Call Me Cordelia: Humor

From the Mouths of Babes

We were waiting at gymnastics. Bridget and I were both reading our books. Out of the blue she said:

Bridget: I'm scared. (in a tiny, frightened voice)

Mom: What are you scared of?

Bridget: Sharks.

Mom: Why? What do you think sharks do?
Bridget: They eat Nemos!

(2/12/2014)

Conversation between Bridget and Aaron in the bathroom:

Bridget: Stinky poo.

Dad: Yeah, stinky poo.

Bridget: Don't eat it.

(1/24/2014)

Averi was having a hard morning at preschool and stayed by the door for 45 minutes while the class did their thing. This is what the mom sent me: "So Averi is still by the door and I heard Bryce tell her, "Averi, don't be scared. I'm your friend. You have a beautiful dress. Your hair is so shiny. I love you." He then covered his mouth and said, "Mom, you didn't hear that!" She just gave him a shy smile. Precious."

(5/9/2013)

Averi: Mom, watch what I'm doing.

(I was cleaning the bathroom mirror, and I could see her reflection.)

Mom: Okay, I'm watching.

Averi: Mom, your eyeballs are looking the other direction.

(Apparently she's caught on that I'm not always as observant as I claim to be.)

(May 2013)

Katie: Hey, Dad.

Aaron: Yes?
Katie: Olago mastahs.

Aaron: Huh?

Katie: Olago mastahs. I learned it in school. It's Spanish.

Aaron, after a moment of thinking: Oh! Do you mean, "Hola, cómo estás?"

(May 2013)

Katie: It's hard sometimes being grown up. Sometimes I wish I were little again. I wish I were Paul's age.

(For those that don't know, Paul and Katie are only 13 months apart. And Katie was 7 when she said this.)

(3/30/2013)

Averi: My daddy goes to Denver a lot.

Elma: Did you know that your daddy goes with my husband to Denver? (Phil and Aaron work closely together)

Averi: *shocked* We can't tell my mommy that!

Elma: Why not?

Averi: Because my mommy thinks that he's working!

(I love that Averi is protecting her dad from mean Mom.)

(8/31/2012)

Katie: When I grow up I want to be a clothes designer or a mechanical engineer.

Paul: When I grow up I want to be an engineer or make movies.

Averi: When I grow up I want to be a designer. I will design castles and ice cream.

(6/12/12)

Paul: Do you think that President Raw Meat would make the best president?

(1/17/12)

Averi: Mom, do Eskimos bite?

(11/29/11)

Chelsey (to Paul, who's having ice cream and obviously enjoying it): Paul, you're sure eating that ice cream with gusto.
Paul: No, I'm eating it with a brownie.
(10/1/2011)

Katie: Dad, have you ever had a brunch before?
Aaron: Yeah.
Katie: What did you have?
Aaron: Oh, I don't remember.
Katie: Was it, like, a sandwich, some peaches, and a bowl of cereal?
(9/2011)

Aaron (to Averi, who is spitting in her car seat): Averi, please don't spit.
Averi: Okay...can I spit quietly?
(5/14/2011)

Katie: My favorite direction is north.
(4/30/2011)

Katie: When I grow up, I want to be a geologist.
Paul: When I grow up, I want to be a paleontologist.
Averi: I want to be Iron Man!!
(4/29/2011)

Mom (to Averi, who is in a very contradictory mood): Averi, boy, you sure are tired.
Averi: I not a boy! I'm Averi Boy!....I not Averi Boy!
Mom: Who are you?
Averi: Averi. Just Averi.
(3/29/2011)

Katie (hopping down from her bed): Mom, these jumps are just too scary for Averi.
Mom: Really? What kind of jumps are they?
Katie: Oh, you know: Flop Arounds, Jump Way Too Highs, Flick Your Legs...those sorts of jumps.
(I have to say that they sound too scary for me, too. I'm with you on this one, Averi)

Averi (playing peek-a-boo): Peet a you!

Katie (on being a queen): Oh, it's not hard. I help people who are in trouble, and I sew, and I sing beautifully.

Paul (first thing in the morning, even before "hello"): Mom, I need a bow and arrow. And a gun.
Mom (suppressing a laugh): Why?
Paul: Just to kill animals. Not people.

Katie: I'll be Mr. Bean...with a pretty swimming suit on!
Paul: And I'll stab your hand, okay?

Mom (at Home Depot, looking at fans): Aaron, do you like that one over there?
Dad: Which one?
Mom: The one with the four bulbs.
Paul: The one with the four BOOBS??

Paul (after Mom got off the phone): Who was that?
Mom: Lowes.
Paul: Lowes was TALKING???!!!

Katie: Mom, do you know what my favorite kind of roll is?
Mom: What?
Katie: Tootsie.

Paul: London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. London Bridge is falling down, my fair lady. London Bridge is getting back up, getting back up, getting back up...

Dad (in Family Home Evening): Paul, who are some of the people we love?
Paul: Mom, Jesus, and frogs.

Paul: Dad, I've got a present for you!
Dad: Oh yeah? What is it?
Paul: It's Present Obama!

Katie saying her morning prayers: Bless us to have Special K, and bless us to eat it so it doesn't get soggy...

Mom: Katie, you're our best child, since you've never had any medical issues.
Katie: But Mom, I'm not wearing any shoes!

Mom: Katie, the home teachers are coming over soon.
Katie: Who are they?
Mom: They're going to come and teach us about Jesus.
Katie: Ohhh...you mean Daddy.

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